Want More Romance in Your Relationship? Communicate More!
I found something interesting on YouTube a while back, and it made me think about how we handle romance in relationships. During an Ask Steve segment of the Steve Harvey Show, a young beautiful woman stood up and explained that she’d told her boyfriend over the years that she doesn’t believe in Valentine’s Day and he didn’t need to get her anything. Nonetheless, he always got her a present. But that particular year, she was worried he’d actually listen to her and not get her anything.
I do not know what her thought process was, but I do know that romance does not work like that.
What is Romance? By definition, romance is the feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. We like it when our partners notice something unique about us and use it to spice up the relationship in a good way. “I shouldn’t have to ask,” we think because we have been made to believe that asking defeats the purpose of romance altogether. It seems to keep the mystery alive; we must constantly communicate in hints and insinuations, not clearly and directly.
Movies and pop culture do not help the situation either. Many romantic comedies have their plots driven entirely by the characters’ chemistry, and miscommunication is painted as endearing. The one partner is attentive to every detail and does not need to be asked for things, the other is so intuitive they always know the right thing to do.
As a result, we now (subconsciously) act like clear communication is counter-intuitive in a passionate, romantic relationship.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
How Communication Enhances Romance
Studies have shown that open communication has a plethora of benefits for long-lasting relationships. Here, I will only outline three of those benefits and how they can help enhance the romance in your relationship.
Communication Ensures your Expectations are Met.
A popular scene in romantic movies is the girl who expects to get an engagement ring but gets a pair of earrings or a necklace instead. The crushing disappointment they feel is something we’ve all experienced when our expectations are not met. If left unchecked, that disappointment can turn to anger or resentment, which blows any romantic flames still flickering right out. On the other hand, communicating your expectations allows you to be on the same page with your partner. It lets your significant other know what you require to keep you happy and catered for (and how you can do the same for them). Such a positive relationship provides healthy soil for the romance to grow.
Communication Helps You to Understand Your Partner Better
How many times have you felt like no one understands you in the world? And how many times has that ‘no one’ been your spouse or significant other? We all have quirks that could come off as weird and puzzling at first glance. However, when a couple is able to talk about these quirks openly, it helps clear out any misunderstandings or misconceptions. It allows both partners to enter a deeper level of understanding with each other that is not available with other people. The truth is, no one is going to love and accept all of you from day one. A relationship that allows for clear communication helps both partners know what truly makes up the other, and this is all intimate, valuable information they can use to create romantic experiences unique to that relationship.
Communication Builds Trust
What do you get when you add consistency and understanding to a relationship? That is right, trust. When your partner consistently delivers on their word and meets your expectations, you naturally begin to trust them more with increasingly important aspects of your life. Add unreserved understanding, and your relationship transcends the surface level of intimacy that only relies on the physical connection. It is this trust that allows you and your partner to have a palpable chemistry that is deeper than the initial attraction you had when you first met. This is the trust that allows you to find small romantic moments to keep your relationship alive even in the most challenging of times. This is where telepathy begins.
With that in mind, here are three tips to help you communicate better and rekindle the romance in your relationship:
Say Your Expectations Out Loud
Before you get mad at your partner for not knowing what you expect, ask yourself if you have ever said your expectations out loud. Not as an implication or a hint, but clearly with no room for misunderstanding. If so, you are all set. If not, find a way to communicate how you feel with clarity and kindness. This does not mean be blunt and crude; rather say it in a way that allows your partner to be receptive to what you’re saying.
Listen, Listen, Listen
I cannot emphasize this enough. Sometimes what you think is clear communication is not so clear to the other person. Attentively listening to your significant other helps you to learn how they communicate, and if there is a disagreement, you can both work it out much quicker when you understand where the other person is coming from. And the quicker you get through the disagreements, the quicker you get to the good times 🙂
Find Out Your Lover’s Love Language
Gary Chapman’s bestselling book on the love languages is an amazing blueprint on how you can learn your lover’s love language. People receive love differently; one person may value receiving and giving gifts while the other does not need all that but cherishes quality time with their loved one. In such a relationship, you can already see how things could go sideways if either partner does not know what the other’s love language is. Make life easier for both of you by communicating your love language.
We would all love to have our romantic lives progress like a heart-warming, passionate romantic movie where sheer chemistry between the characters is enough to make things work. Though this initial chemistry is what draws you to your partner, clear communication is what solidifies its foundation. Communicate clearly long enough in your relationship and soon you will have that romantic, telepathic, mysterious, passionate connection that even Hollywood could never replicate!